hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards, more words.

"was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me"

There are different types of books- non-fiction, fiction, literary, popular, kids, teen, adult- but the the dividing lines for me tend to bridge some of these gaps. There are good books, books that I nearly can't make it through because they don't capture my interest, and books that capture me completely. These are the books that I can't put down. The books that I don't want to end, but I can't stop reading. The books that I have to remind myself to eat while reading. The ones that my fingers itch to re-open. The ones that I re-read again and again. The ones that leave the pit in my stomach, to the point wherre I am physically hungry for the story.

These rare few aren't even always literary masterpieces. The writting might not always be the most eloquent or noteworthy. But that doesn't mean they aren't either. Dostovesky made me fall in love with a murderer. McEwan made me hope for a romance based on what was basically a one night stand. Rowling made magic real. Dessen used flaws to show the perfect. Collins made a horrific world that I still wanted to belong to. I wanted to be Hermione and Katniss and Macy and Anna and Liesel. And I fell in love with Peeta, Etienne, Wes, Raskolnikov, Razmuikhin, Jacob, Robbie, and Arthur. I wanted to be in their worlds, no matter how messed up they were.

This is why I want ot write. If I can't actually go to Panem, Hogwarts, Narnia, or a French boarding school, then I want ot create my own worlds. I can guaruntee they won't be as beautifully detailed as McEwan or as psycholoogical as Dostovesky- and not for lack of trying- but they will probably be more of the YA persuassion. Hopefully I won't ever sink to a Stephanie Meyers level either though. If nothing else I want to write these stories for me. To get them out of my head, but not lost. I realize that this is the most likely senario. It is the most practical. But that isn't really my scene either.

The stories never leave my head. They distract me and send me into wild daydreams. They are based off of every book, song, movie, and real life I've ever experienced. I could probably name at least one song that directly inspired a story in my head. Or multiple. I had to stop doing homework one day to begin a story inspired by Ryan Adams "Come Pick Me Up" because it was distracting me from what I was actually trying ot accomplish. These stories transport me, but that is because I know where they lead. I know the world they are in and the characters that populate them. I know the characters better than myself and yet they still surprise me. But what I want to know is if they would have the power to take other people somewhere else. If they could be a sanctuary and escape. If they could make the decript beautiful and the flawed perfect.

That's all I want. And it is too much to ask.

"more words than I have ever heard and I feel so alive"